dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
