HIV tests are more positive than that guy
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They have beer where we have blood.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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