Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
