I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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