i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
