At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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