I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
