PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
