I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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