I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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