I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
