He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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