It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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