whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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