I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
