It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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