i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
