a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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