i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
