shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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