Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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