So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
