I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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