One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My feet surprised me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
