remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
