legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
