upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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