Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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