how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
