So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
