It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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