First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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