Girls should come with a carfax report
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
