I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
