I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
