Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
