I am puke
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
