I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
