i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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