thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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