Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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