very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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