I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
