so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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