insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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