She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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