So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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