Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
