Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
