Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
