I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
