I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
