He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
